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造成亲子问题的前“因”后“果”

造成亲子问题的前“因”后“果”

文|刘平易(家庭教育高级指导师、中国教育学会家庭教育专业委员会会员、中国青少年研究中心家庭教育专业委员会会员。文章发表在《中国教育报》《中国青年报》《现代教育报》《北京晚报》《北京青年报》《中华家教》《家教指南》《家庭教育》等多家教育媒体作者。)

亲子关系是天下最亲近的关系,是血浓于水的关系。但是,也正是这世间最亲近的关系,却经常会出现问题,有的孩子因为父母的不理解而离家出走;有的父母因为孩子的不听话而恼羞成怒;有的孩子会因为父母的唠叨而恶语相向;有的父母因为孩子的不争气而无心工作;有的孩子因为亲子矛盾放弃了自己的学业;有的父母因为亲子关系紧张而束手无策;有的孩子甚至因为父母的原因选择了死亡;有的父母也因为孩子的叛逆而走上不归路等等诸如此类的问题,就好比是激流中的漩涡一样,让深陷其中的人不能自拔。

为何这么亲密的关系,却这么“弱不经风”,这么容易受到干扰,从而出现一些问题呢?“种瓜得瓜,种豆得豆”,种下什么样的种子,就会收获什么样的果实,不管果实的味道如何,你都要自己品尝它的酸甜苦辣。

宝马娱乐网站yourenshuo:“haizishifumudeyimianjingzi”;haiyourenshuo:“youshenmeyangdefumujiuyoushenmeyangdehaizi”。fumuduihaizidejiaoyangguannian、jiaoyangtaidu、jiaoyangmudehejiaoyangfangshi,juedingleqinziguanxideyouhelie,haoyuhuai,yejiujuedinglehaizijianglaihuichengweishenmeyangderen。



一、父母教子太任性,埋下隐患尝苦果

宝马娱乐网站16suidexiaoboshiyiweizhiyejishuxuexiaodexuesheng,yinweixuexichengjibutailixiang,bujinmeiyoujihuikaodaxue,erqieliangaozhongdoumeiyouduwan,fumuyoubuyuanyirangzheiweiyideerzichuoxuezaijia,huoshiwaichudagong,danxinhaizihaixiaodaowaimianshouku、shoulei。yushi,baerzisongjinlejishuxuexiao,zhiwangtanenggouxuedianjishu,jianglaiyehaohunkoufanchi。 

keshi,xiaobobingmeiyoubazheicishangxuedejihuikandeneimezhongyao,zaixuexiaoli,tameiyoulezuichudexinxiangan,zaiyebuyuanyigushouzaifengbidexiaoyuanli,kuzaowuweidexiaoyuanshenghuo,rangtachuanbuguoqilai,zaizheizhiqianyangchengdeshangwangxiguanyoukaishi“sihuifuran”。kaishideshihou,zhiyouzaizhouliu、zhourideshihoutacaihuizoujinwangba,tongxiaodadandeshangwangdayouxi,daolehoulai,zhouliu、riyijingbunengmanzutadawangyoudeyuwang,meitianwanshangxialewanzixi,tadouhuitiaoqiangwaichushangwang。 

youyici,shangleyiwanshangwangdexiaobozaimeiyouqiandeqingkuangxia,budebulikaidiannaopingmu,daleyiliangchuzuchehuidaolelixuexiao30duogonglidejiazhong,xiachehoujimamayaole50kuaiqianfulechefei,ranhouhuidaozijidefangjiandaotoubianshui。 

第二天小波醒来已经是上午10多钟了,起床后就跟正在拖地的妈妈要钱:“给我点钱”小波没有好气的对妈妈说。 

宝马娱乐网站“zenmeyouyaoqiana,zuotianjileni50dechefei,jintianyouyaoqian,ganshenmequa?”mamayeyoudianbunaifandeshuodao。 

“niguanwoganma,jiwoqianjiushile。”xiaobohuiying。 

“meiqian!”mamashengqiderengchulailianggezi。

“nidaodijibujia?”xiaobo。

“buji,meiqianjinishenmea?”mamayiranwanzheyaodasaoweisheng。

keshi,beimamajujuedexiaobobingmeiyoushanbaganxiu,ershi,chongzhemamajiuchuaileyijiao,zheiyijiaoba50duosuidemamachuaidaozaidi,xiaoboqueyangzhangerqu。 

xiaobodefumushilaolaidezi,duierzibaibanchongai,erzitichulaideyaoqiu,douhuixiangfangshefademanzu。tebieshifuqin,erzibuyuanyiqichuang,tajiuhuibazaocanjierziduandaochuangbian,ranhouyikouyikoudewei。

宝马娱乐网站aihaizishifumudetianzhi,meiyiweifumudouhuiquanshenxindeaizijidehaizi。keshi,youdefumuqueyinweizijideaieryinfaleqinziwenti,yinweiaierzuizhongshanghailehaizi。aiyaoyoudu,yaoyoujie,yaoyoufangfa,gengyaojiangjiuyuanze,aidemudeshiranghaizijiankangkuailedechengzhang,aihaizijiuyaoranghaizijieshoudaoaidexinxi,erbushiyiweideniai。



二、外显的物质富足,内隐的心理荒芜

jintiandehaizizaiwuzhishangkeyishuoshikongqiandefuzu,yishizhuxingbuzaishitingliuzaiyoudecengmianshang,ershiyaojingyiqiujing。bushaofumuzijidoushebudechi,shedebuchuan,yeyaojieshengxiaqianlaimanzuhaizideyuanwang。 

youdefumuweileranghaizibaxinsiyongzaixuexishang,caiquwuzhijiangshangdefangfa,laihuanxinghaizidexuexiyuwang。biru:zhiyaonengkaoyigehaodechengji,jiujihaizimaimingpaiyifu,jihaizimaigaodangshouji,shenzhihaijihaizimaiyixiegaodangdeyouxijizhileide。youduoshaohaizijiuzaizheizhongwuzhifuzudeshenghuozhong,buduandikuozhangzijideyuwang,congerbuzaimanzuyuxianzhuang,zuizhongtingerzouxian。 

xiaoyongduchuer,xuexichengjisuiranbulixiang,danshi,zaijiazhongqueshiyimingdongshidehaizi,shendemamadexihuan,yinweijiajingbijiaoyinshi,jiashangxiaoyongfumugongzuodeyuanyin,wuxiagujihaizi,jiulianpingshichifanyedoushijihaiziqian,rangtazaiwaimianchi。suoyi,fumuhaipahaizishouzui,jingchanghuijitayixielinghuaqian,yebuwenqianhuazaileshenmedifang,ganshenmeyongle,zhiyaoxiaoyongshenshouyao,fumujiuhuiji,yaoduoshaojiduoshao。fumucuowuderenzhi,yinweimeiyoushijianzhaoguhaizi,jiujihaiziwuzhishangdebuchang。 

yinweixiaoyongpingshiqianlaiderongyi,huaqilaiyedashoudajiao,suoyi,zhouweijingchanghuijujiyixiexiaopengyou。youyici,mamazaidanweizhengzaishangban,jingwuqudejiweigongzuorenyuanzhaodaoleta。 

“zheishinierzima?”gongzuorenyuanwendao。 

takandaolezijideerzi,huidashuo:“shide,shide,tazenmele?” 

“nixiankankanzheiduanshipinba。”gongzuorenyuandakaileshouji,shipinzhongshiyimingshaodayidiandehaizizhengzaiduiyimingxiaoxueshengjinxingquandajiaoti,yibiandayibianshuo:“youmeiyouqian,zhendemeiyouqian,yaoshishuojiahua,kanwozenmeshoushini。”zheigedarenzhezhengshixiaoyong。querenlezhihou,jingwurenyuanbahaiziyoudaizoule,shuohaiyaojinxingdiaocha,rangxiaoyongdefumudaojingwuquxiezhudiaocha。

qishi,zheiyijingbushixiaoyongdiyicijinjingwuqule,zaizheizhiqianyinweidajiaheweixienianlingxiaodetongxueyaoqian,beijingwuqudaijinqusancile,zheishidisicizoujinjingwuqule,ruguozheicijingwuqumeiyouzhaodaoxiaoyongdefumu,tamenyongyuanyexiangbudaozijideerzijingranhuizuochuzheiyangdeshiqinglai。

wuzhidemanzuyongyuandaitibulejingshendexuqiu,meiyigenianlingduandehaizidouxuyaoyoufumuqinggandehehu,xuyaoyoufumudepeiban,qinzihudongshiyongjinqiandaitibulede。yiweidewuzhijiyu,zhinengzhuzhanghaizixinlingdekongxu,fumuyidingyaonachuyidingdeshijian,peibanhaizidechengzhang,jiyuhaiziqingganshangdezhichi,rangtanenggouzaichengzhangdedaolushangchongmannengliang。



三、重分数一遮百丑,无责任一无是处

zhiyaonihaohaoxuexi,shenmedoubuyongniguan,youbabamamani。zheishihenduofumudouhuiduihaizishuodeyijuhua,buranghaizizuorenheshiqing,basuoyoudeshijiandourangjihaizi,zhishiweilenenggouranghaizizaikaoshideshihou,kaoyigehaodechengjihuilai  

xiaominshichuerdeyimingxuesheng,babayinweigongzuoyuanyin,yiniandeshijianyoudabufenshizaiguowaiduguode,xiaominhemamaliangrenzaijia。xiaomindexuexichengjizaibanjiliyeshiqianjiming,mamaconglaibugandanwuhaizidexuexishijian,xiaominhuidaojiazhong,weiyiyaozuodejiushixuexi,mamaconglaiburangtazuorenhedejiawuhuo。  

mamadeguandianjiushizhiyaoxuexihao,shenmedoubushiwenti,kaobulehaodechengji,ganqitadehaiyoushenmeyonga。keshi,zhengshiyinweizheiweimamacuowudeguandian,zaochenglexiaomindulinenglicha,meiyouzerenxin,zuizhonglianzijideyifudoubuhuixi,doubuquxi。xiaominmeicidoushibahuanxideyifutuoxialairengdaoxiyijipang,jiexialaidegongzuojiushimamade,ruguomamabujixi,yifujiuhuiyizhizaineilibaizhe,baokuozijideneiyi、neiku。 

xiaomindemamafaxianzheiyangxiaquyijingbuxingle,doushangchuerle,ruguolianzijideyifudoubuxi,neizenmenengxingni?yushi,jiuduinvershuo:“xiaomin,yihouzijideyifuzijixuezhexi,keyima?” 

xiaominlengzhuleshuo:“mama,yizhidoushinizaijiwoxi,zenmeyourangwozijixiyifuni,wocaibuxini。” 

“zheiyangnikanxingma?waiyiwojinixi,neiyinizijixixingma?”mamayongshangliangdekouqiwen。

宝马娱乐网站“buxing,niyaoshibujiwoxi,wojiuquchaoshimaiyicixingdelaichuan,fanzhengwoshibuxi。”nverhaoxianghenshengqidishuo。  

宝马娱乐网站zuihou,xiaominzhengzhongqishideduimamashuo:“yihounizuohaonideshi,wozuohaowodeshi,zanmensheiyebieguanshei。”

宝马娱乐网站mamawen“neishenmeshimamadeshi,shenmeshinideshini?” 

宝马娱乐网站nverhuida:“xiyifu、zuofanjiushinideshi,xuexishiwodeshi,nixihaoyifu,zuohaofan,wojinikaoyigehaodechengji,zheijiushiwodeshi。” 

宝马娱乐网站zhizhongshifenshu,erhulveleranghaiziziwofuwudenengli,zheizhongjiaoyufangshijiushijianlezhima,diuleyigedaxigua。xuexizhibuguoshiyigerennenglifanchouzhongdeyigedianeryi,xuexidezuizhongmudebingbushizhiweilekaoquyigehaodedaxue,ershiyaotishengyigerendegerensuzhiheyingduishenghuodenengli。 

ruguozhijiandanderanghaiziquxuexi,kaofenshu,erhulvelehaizidongshounenglidepeiyangheduanlian,zheizhongbenmodaozhidejiaoyangfangshizuizhonghuichuwentide。qishi,tongguoranghaizizuojiawuhuo,bujinjinnenggouduanlianhaizidedongshounengli,hainenggouxunlianhaizidesiweiheshunxugan,zhidaoxianzuoshenme、houzuoshenme。bingqietongguoranghaizicanyudaojiatingshenghuozhonglai,hainenggoupeiyanghaizidezerengan,zheixienengliduixuexidounenggouqidaoyigeyouxiaodecujinzuoyong。


四、亲子关系很重要,沟通不畅问题出

宝马娱乐网站zhiyaoshiqinziguanxichuxianwentide,yibandoushiyinweigoutongerzaochengde,ruguozaiyigejiatinghuanjingli,bicizhijianmeiyougoutonghuozheshigoutongshao,wangwanghuichanshengbicidebulijie。buyaorenweijiatingchengyuanzhijiantiantianzaiyiqimeiyoushenmehaogoutongde,tebieshiqinzizhijian,zuoweifumuzongshigaogaozaishang,fahaoshiling,zongshianzhaozijideyiyuanquminglinghaizizuoyixieshiqing,buguanzheixieshiqingshibushihaiziyuanyizuode,youmeiyouchaochuhaizidenenglifanwei。 

xiaoboshiyimingchusandenanhai,xuexichengjizaibanjiliminglieqianmao,danshi,yejiushizheiyangyimingxuexiyouyidehaizi,quechuxianlerangfumudoufeichangtoutengdewenti。diannaolicunledaliangdehuangsetupian,jingchanghuiaoye,fumuyizhiyiweihaizishizaixuexi,haidanxinhaizideshentishoubule。keshi,meiyouxiangdaotajingranshizaitoutoudekanhuangsetupian。 

宝马娱乐网站haizidexingweirangfumubunengjieshou,yushi,jiubajiazhongdewangxianjiduanle。zheiyangguoleyiduanshijian,xiaoboxiangfumutichulai,yaogoumaiyitaimp5,shuoshixuexiyaoyong,fumuyitingshixuexiyaoyong,erhuabushuojiujihaizimaileyitai。haojingbuzhang,yiciourandejihui,haizifuqinzaicifaxianmp5limianmeiyourenheyuxuexiyouguandedongxi,wanquanshihuangsetupian,zheiyicikebaxiaobodefuqinjirehuole。 

fuqinbuyoufenshuo,yiqizhixiazasuilemp5,zheirangerzifeichangnaohuo,fuziliangrenfashenglejiliedechongtu,xiaoboduiyufuqindehuomaosanzhanggenbenjiubufangzaixinshang,bingqieehenhendiduifuqinshuo:“niguanwoganma?woyuanyiganshenmejiuganshenme,niguandezhema?” 

yinweifuqinshiyimingjunren,zaixiaoboxiaodeshihou,jiuhenshaozaijia,yizhidoushizaibudui,zaixiaoboshangchuerdeshihoucaisuanshizhuanyehuidaojiazhong。keyishuozaixiaobochengzhangdeguochenglimian,fuqinshiqueweide,fuziliangrendeqingganlianjieshiduanlexiande。meiyoupeibanjiubuhuiyouguanjiao,jibianshiguan,haiziyebuhuitingcong,zhihuiyinfaqinzichongtu。  

宝马娱乐网站lianghaodeqinziguanxiyidingshijianlizailianghaodegoutongdejichuzhishangde,fumuyaojingchangdehehaizijinxingjiaoliu,zheizhongjiaoliushizhanzaipingdengdeweizhi,erbushifumuyiyantang,renweihaizixiaozhiyaotinghuajiuxing。ranghaizicanyudaojiatinghuodongzhonglai,tongguojiatingchengyuanzhijiandehudong,zengjinbicizhijiandeqinggan。 

宝马娱乐网站yezhiyoutongguogoutongcainengzhidaobicideneixinxuqiu,yezhiyoudangfumulejiehaizidexuqiuzhihou,cainengqidaoxiezhudezuoyong,cainengbangdaohaizi。



五、接纳情绪包伤口,用心倾听效果佳

haizisuixiao,yeyouzijideshangtong,zheixieshangtongdelaiyuandaduoshilaizishenbianzuiqinjinderen,laiziyushengmingzhongzuizhongyaoderen。 

tianzhenwuxie,wuyouwulv,shenmeshiyemeiyou,chengrenjingchanghuiyongzheiyangdecihuilaixingronghaizi。zheizhibuguoshichengrendeyixiangqingyuaneryi,zaihaiziyouxiaodexinlingshenchu,zonghuiyouyikuaiduziliaoshangdedidai,dangtamenyudaobulijie,weiqu,shangtongdeshihou,huizijilaitianshishangkou,yicilaianweiziji,rangzijideyichengzhang。 

ruguoyigehaizimeiyoujizijiyuliuzheiyangdekongjian,tajiuhuibalaiziwaijiedeshangtong,zhuanhuachengyizhongwaixiandexingwei,zheixiehaiziyouhuibeichengrentieshangbiaoqian“butinghua”“huaihaizi”“yougongjixing”“haoku”。

宝马娱乐网站butinghua,shiyinweimeiyourenqingtingtamen,shiyinweichengrenzongshibazijideyiyuanqiangjiajitamen;huaihaizi,shiyinweizheixiehaizimeiyoutingcongchengrendezhiling,zhishimeiyouxuehuiruhebiaodaziji;yougongjixingdehaizi,shiyinweitamendeneixinchengzailetaiduodeshangtong,shouxianchengweilebeigongjizhe;haokudehaizi,shiyinweizheixieaikudehaiziyexuyaofaxie,tamenxuanzeleku,laihuanjiezijideqingxuyali。 

宝马娱乐网站keshi,chengrenquebunenggoulijietamen,quekanbudonghaizidexingweidaodishizaichuandiyizhongshenmexinxi。bingqiehaihuiziyiweishide,renweizijifeichangdongtamen,anzhaozijideyiyuanzhaoguhaizi,aihaizi。keshi,haiziquejieshoubudaofumudeai,youshifumudezhaoguqueyanbianchengleyizhongshanghai。 

youdehaizizaifumuyanlihuibeirenweishi“wentihaizi”,jiazhanghuicaiquyixieliedecuoshi,laijiuzhengtamende“wenti”。keshi,jiazhangdefangshi,zhinengqidaoranghaizihaipadezuoyong,erqibudaojiaoyudexiaoguo。haizineixinsuiranhenhaipafumu,yanjingliyehuichongmandanxinhebuan,danshi,tarengranhuizhongfuzijide“buliang”xingwei。 

qishi,zheixiehaizixuyaodeshiqingting,xuyaoyourennenggoulijietamen。dangzheixiehaizifachu“buhexie”dexinhaoshi,buyaozhejiqujiuzhenghepiping,fumuyaojienatamendeqingxu,tingtingtamenshuoxieshenme,suiranyoushitamenbunenghenhaodebiaoda,zhiyaoyongzugoudenaixinqingting,jiukeyile。 

danghaizikudeshihou,buyaoquzhizhi,buyaohechi,ershianfuherenke。renkehaiziyeshiyoubuliangqingxude,tamenyexuyaobazheifenbuliangdeqingxufaxiechulai。buyaojiyujihaizixiapanduan,xiadingyi,gengbuyaozuofaguan,panduanshushishufei,zheixiedoushibujienahaiziqingxudeyizhongbiaoxian,yeshiburenkehaizidezuofa,zheizhongburenkehebujiena,zhihuirangtabianchengfennudexiaohai。

jujue、zhize、manma、waku、fengci、mingling、chaoxiao、da、zhizhibuli、fangrenziliudengdengzheixiebaoli、ruanbaolidouhuiduihaizidexinlizaochengbukemomiedexinlichuangshang,zheizhongchuangshanghuiyingxianghaizideyisheng。



六、隔代教育有弊端,以身作则做表率  

宝马娱乐网站laorenjiaoyuhaizi,jiuhaobitamenaihaizi,tamenyehenxiangbahaizijiaoyuchengren,yexiwangkanzhezijidewanbeinenggouchurentoudi,danshi,dangjiaoyuyushangaideshihou,wangwangjiuhuichuxianpiancha。yejiushishuo,jiaoyushilixingde,aiqueshiganxingde,laorenaihaizidechengdu,yijingyuanyuanchaochulejiaoyudelidu。dangran,laorenduihaizidejiaoyushijianlizaiaihaizidejichushangde,suoyi,jiaoyuhuijilaorenduihaizideairanglu。

宝马娱乐网站zheijiushigedaijiaoyucunzaidebiduan,ranglaorendaihaizibingmeiyoucuo,keshi,laorenduihaizideneifenai,youshiqueshiquleyuanze,meiyouledixian,zhuanbianchengleniai,zheifenniai,jiupianlilejiaoyudefangxiang,rangjiaoyushiqulexiaoguo。

宝马娱乐网站tongyangfashengzaihaizishenshangdeshi,fumuchuliqilai,kenengjiubijiaoyanli,mudeshiweilejiuzhenghaizidebuliangxiguan,congerhuicaiquyixieyouxiaodecuoshi,yidadaojiaoyudexiaoguo。biruhaizikandianshi,laorenkenengshideguoqieguo,haizixihuankanshenmejiukanshenme,yuanyikanduozhangshijianjiukanduozhangshijian;zuofumudejiuhuijihaizishedingshijian,daoshijianhuitixinghaizi,huozheshigaojiehaizigaiquganshenmeshiqingle,shenzhihaihuicaiquyixiechengfacuoshi。 

宝马娱乐网站leisideshiqingzairichangdeshenghuozhongbibijieshi,zheijiushiliangdairenjiaoyuguanniandebutong,aidefangshibutong,dourenweizijidefangshicaishiyouxiaode,renweizijicaishizhendeaihaizi。

宝马娱乐网站buyaoyiweidezhizelaoren,zuochubangyang,yindaohaiziyangchenghaoxiguan。zijiyaojinkenengduodepeibanhaizi,chouchushijianduohehaizizaiyiqigaoyixiehuodong,congrichangshenghuozhongdexiaoshizuoqi,yindaohaizixuehuiquzuolisuonengjideshiqing,ranghaizicanyudaojiatinghuodongzhong,zhujianranghaiziyangchenglianghaodeshenghuoxiguan,danghaiziyoulehaodexiguanyihou,laorenyejiuhuixiuzhengzijidefangfa。zhizezhinengrangwentiyulaiyuyanzhong,qibudaorenhedejijizuoyong,zaijiaoyuhaizidewentishangzhudongdequzhengqiulaorendejianyi,tingtinglaorendexiangfa,bahaizideyouquediannachulaijingchanghelaorenshuoyishuo,gongtongshangtaojiejuedefangan。 

zuoweibanyanzinvhefumushuangzhongshenfendenianqingjiazhang,haizidediyijianhuren,yaomingquejiaose,jindaozeren。liangdairendejiaoyuguanniansuirancunyouchayi,danshi,zuofumudezaijiaoyuzinvdeshihoubunengsanfenredu,jiaoyushiyigexuyaopeibandeguocheng,erbushikandaobushunyandejiupipingzhize,mangqilaideshihoujiubahaizifangjilaoren,zijibuguanbuwen。danghaizichuxianleyixiebufuhezijibiaozhundexianxiangshi,fanguolaiyouhuiguailaorenmeiyoudaihao。zhiyaozijimingquelezijidejiaosehezhize,jiuhuiyoudefangshidejiejuewenti,jibianshiyudaohelaorenguannianbutongshi,yehuinaixindequjieshi,yicidedaolaorenderenke。



七、方法单一伤情感,出现裂痕难修复

宝马娱乐网站xiaochuanshiyiweizhangxiangshuaiqidenanhai,quebushifumuhuolaoshilixiangzhongdehaizihexuesheng,jingchangreshishengfei,dajiadouou,weicilaoshimeishaopipingjiaoyuta,huidaojiazhongyeshinanmianaidashouxun。 

qifuqinshiyiweixinfeng“budabuchengcai”deyanfu,zhiyaoyudaowentijiuhuiduihaiziquanjiaoxiangjia。danshi,xiaochuanbingmeiyouyinweifuqinde“da”eryousuogaibian,fanershidajiadecishuyuelaiyueduo。zuizhong,xuexiaokaichulexiaochuan。mianduibeixuexiaokaichudeerzi,fuqinbufenqinghongzaobaiduihaizijiushiyidunbaoda,muqinkanzaiyanlitengzaixinli,zhiqianyinweijiaoyuhaizidewenti,fuqijianmeishaochaojia。keshi,meiciqifuqindouhuizhenzhenyoucishuo:“nihairangburangwojiaoyuhaizilea,nikannideerzidouchengleshenmeyangzile,budanengxingma?”。 

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八、情感交流很重要,家庭氛围有奇效 

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宝马娱乐网站(benwenweizuozheyuanchuang,shoufasouhujiaoyu-jiatingjiaoyuliupingyi,banquanguiyuanzuozhesuoyou)

 

点击数: 发布时间:2015-03-29

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